


Another One Bites the Dust

by krow



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF
Genre: Belgium (Country), Eurovision, F/F, F/M, Other, Satire, Screenplay/Script Format, johannes nymark, laura tesoro - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6762538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krow/pseuds/krow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young, fresh-faced popstar Laura Tesoro is ready for the ride of her life as she preps for her performance as Belgium's contestant for Eurovision 2016. She may not be a top favorite, but when Laura is inadvertently caught up in a weekend of tragedy and scandal that leaves contestants dropping like flies she finds herself a rising star fighting for her life (in more ways than one) as she and her snarky PR rep Sebastian navigate the choppy waters of Eurovision in this hilarious satire sure to leave you voting a 12.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SPEED TRAIN CAR HURTLING TO STOCKHOLM

Dawn is breaking outside a half-empty Eurostar rail car, privately booked. Four middle-aged women sit together quietly in the back of the car, and a handful of men and women are scattered about the rest of the car. A camera crew occupies one corner. Most on the train are 30-40 or older. Toward its center, four seats face each other bisected by a faux-cherry wood table. On one side, a pleasant-looking girl with shiny auburn hair in long ringlets listening to music on headphones and thumbing her iPhone. This is LAURA TESORO, 20, Belgian-Flemish popstar and soap opera actress. The car is booked for her. Opposite her, a man, SEBASTIAN KROWTON, English-language coach and PR/media liaison to Laura -- a fabulous American, aged 30, but could easily pass for 24. He is also wearing headphones and watching an iPad -- a clip of Laura talking. Suddenly, he motions for Laura. The pair remove their headphones.

SEBASTIAN  
Hey, Laura, think fast. You’re not  
excited, you’re…

LAURA  
(blankly, through her Flemish accent)  
I’m what?

SEBASTIAN  
In an interview, say we’re  
in an interview right now.  
You’re not excited, you’re…

Sebastian motions his hands in a circle, a prompt for Laura

LAURA  
(exacerbated)  
Oh, this. Yes, I’m not  
excited, I’m…

Laura touches her hand to her face. Her eyes trail upward, searching.

(reciting)  
I’m, uh, thrilled, elated, exuberant,   
prepared, confident. Uhh…

She falters.

SEBASTIAN  
Eager?

LAURA  
(sarcastically)  
Yes, I’m eager to be done  
with this. I’m. I’m jubilee.   
That’s not the right...

SEBASTIAN  
No.

LAURA  
It’s…

SEBASTIAN  
Jubilant.

LAURA  
(quickly)  
Jubilant. Jubilant. I’m   
eager and jubilant.

SEBASTIAN  
Exactly. English is a rich cornucopia  
of lexical variety. You can’t just   
say I’m excited all the time. And   
how do you look?

LAURA  
How do I look? I look like this.  
Like me.

SEBASTIAN  
No, no no. How do you LOOK?  
It's the biggest night of your  
life. You're about to go on  
Eurovision to 150 million people.  
You're backstage beforehand   
and you're about to be interviewed  
on TV to everyone back home in   
Belgium, anywhere. How do you  
look?

Laura pauses. A middleaged man with scraggly long-brown hair and trendy European clothes approaches suddenly. This is BRECHT, Laura’s choreographer and the director of her upcoming performance. He leans in to whisper to Laura.

BRECHT  
So Laura, for the lighting I was thinking bright  
white and pink...

SEBASTIAN  
(interrupting)  
Oh, no, Brecht. Didn’t anyone tell you?   
The Eurotrash express left from track   
two. I think there’s still time to catch it.

Sebastian brushes him away with his hands. Brecht gets up, gives Sebastian a menacing look, and then moves on.

SEBASTIAN  
You were saying?

LAURA  
(laughs, nervously)  
Ah. I probably look like me in some  
kind of… nice jacket. Nice hair.   
It’s… ah… I smile a lot. I look exc…  
(catching herself)  
I’m happy, smiling.

SEBASTIAN  
That’s so nauseating I could die.   
I’d rather listen to that terrible Croatian   
synth song they entered this year that’s  
been setting off car alarms.

LAURA  
It’s not naus… It’s not what you   
said.

SEBASTIAN  
You can’t seriously expect to win looking like a   
naive little teenager. Eurovision will chew you up and  
spit you out like a day-old crab cake. You look 15 when   
you say that.

LAURA  
Uh. Thanks.

SEBASTIAN  
Looking that young isn’t a compliment.   
You are not a Chinese gymnast.

LAURA  
(scowling)  
I can’t look happy?

Sebastian moves to speak but before he can the pair are ambushed by the camera crew. At the head, a woman, late 20s in a tight blouse with glasses and frizzy blonde hair. -- SANNE -- a reporter for Flemish TV station VRT. Behind her, PIET, an older producer. Laura and Sebastian are taken unaware.

SANNE  
(in Dutch)  
And now we come to Laura Tesoro --   
the star of our show. She’s pumped up and ready  
for Eurovision, or is she dozing off? Hey, Laura, why   
the long face?

Laura smiles.

SEBASTIAN  
Sanne, get the hell outta here, and  
take that rented Sexy Librarian costume   
with you. Laura and I are working and   
she’s about to take a nap.

Sanne drops her posture and her mic to her side.

SANNE  
OK, but you looked like you weren’t just  
talking and it looked like a good time--

SEBASTIAN  
(interrupting)  
Nuh-uh. It’s not.

PIET  
(stage whisper)  
But Laura promised us some footage during   
the trip for the arrival in Stockholm package we’re  
doing tomorrow night. It’s for the 6 o'clock news.

SEBASTIAN  
Believe it or not, Piet, but Laura isn’t your   
little Dutch slave. You aren’t playing St. Nick and   
she is not in blackface. But she does however wake up  
at 5, exercises for two hours, trains for nine,   
and then does media training. Does that   
sound like someone who’s in any mood for--

Sebastian waves his hand in Sanne’s direction.

SEBASTIAN (cot'd)  
This one?

SANNE  
We still want an interview with Laura.

SEBASTIAN  
Get in line. I’ve got Bild and Het Laatste Nieuws   
beating down the door to get to Laura since her song   
went viral on YouTube. She needs rest. She’s about to   
go live to 200 million people, which is, oh, about   
200 million more than’ll ever have to suffer through   
one of your yawnfest reports. Now please give   
us some space. Not everything in life is a press-op.

Sanne rolls her eyes and slinks starts to slink away past them.

SANNE  
(muttering, in Dutch)  
Never thought I’d ever hear those words  
come out of your mouth.

SEBASTIAN  
Yeah, Sanne, I caught that. OK Thanks.   
Next time clear it with me.

Sanne, Piet and the crew leave.

SEBASTIAN (cot'd)  
(to Laura)  
Uh. So what’d she say just then again?

LAURA  
I thought you said you caught it?

SEBASTIAN  
(scoffs)  
Oh, Laura. Get real, I’m American. I don’t   
speak a word of Dutch beyond Guten Tag.

LAURA  
That’s German.

SEBASTIAN  
No, honey, it means Good Day.

Laura rolls her eyes.

LAURA  
She said she never thought you’d say there’s   
not time for a press-op.

SEBASTIAN  
With her? There’s never such thing as a good  
time. Back in the States, she wouldn’t be fit to   
make a Rihanna reaction video on YouTube let alone  
be on national TV.

LAURA  
You were too mean to her.

SEBASTIAN  
Laur, you pay me to be mean to the press so that   
you don’t have to be. You can be gorgeous and  
giggly and say excited a lot and everyone will still   
love you.  
(sighs)  
Now, back to the subject at hand. Have you seen the Ukrainian?   
I don’t know her name. The one with the bad case of resting bitch   
face. Do you think she looks like she wants to be there, all smiling  
all the time?

LAURA  
Of course not, she’s Ukranian. She looks like someone just  
ate her family.

SEBASTIAN  
She’s poised though.

LAURA  
Poised?

She doesn’t know the word in English. Sebastian sits up straight in his seat, and folds his hands neatly on top of the cherry wood table. She understands.

LAURA (cot'd)  
Ah, zelfbeheersing

She laughs a little, then mimics the posture.

SEBASTIAN  
I mean, you still have to be you though.   
You’re going to get nervous and laugh.   
That’s going to happen. You might even slip and say excited   
\-- even though it will kill me inside. So we’re preparing around that.   
We can’t control that, so we’ll bake it into the performance.   
You know? You’re calm and your shoulders are firm and your head   
is up. You look at your interviewer and not at the camera.  
But now, think about the first question. OK? You’re here, you’re  
at Eurovision, there’s all these lights, cameras, how do you feel   
to be here doing this on this big stage? Are you excited?

Laura senses the trap and pauses a thoughtful beat. She places her shoulders back and looks at Sebastian squarely. She smiles but suppresses a laugh. She’s on the spot now.

LAURA  
Yeah, it’s great. I’m really looking forward to being on stage,   
all the …. Lights and the people. The energy…

Is she rambling? She knows Sebastian is grading her every word, syllable even.

LAURA (cot'd)  
Ah, I’m just really thrilled about going up on stage and giving it my all.   
I practiced, practiced so much. It’s crazy, and now it’s time to   
put it all out and let people hear this music. It’s really good!

She smiles again and tilts her head slightly, nodding.

SEBASTIAN  
Your song ‘What’s the Pressure’ has been compared by   
a lot of people to ‘Uptown Funk’ and Fleur East’s ‘Sax’. Do you hear  
those similarities that people have talked about?

LAURA  
They won’t ask that!

SEBASTIAN  
Not Sanne, but a real journalist might. There’s one or two left   
that have made it through the layoffs, I think.

Sebastian gives her a wide-eyed, impatient look.

LAURA  
(purses her lips and blows out)  
OK, uh. Yeah, those are really great songs, but our, ah,  
what is the … who is the… who is Selah Sue?

SEBASTIAN  
The songwriter? Laura, you speak English. You should know this word.

LAURA  
Yeah, ah, the songwriter. Thanks. Ah, our songwriter Selah Sue,   
she wrote the song first. Before, ah, before the Sax song. It’s all from the   
same, the 1970s American ah U.S. funk song beats. It’s a dance song that   
makes you want to dance. It’s not the same though. This song is about,  
uh forget the pressure. It’s called ‘What’s the Pressure’ -- it’s, ah,  
forget it and live your life. That’s what we do here at Eurovision. We’re  
just trying to win and forget everything else. It’s really fun.

SEBASTIAN  
OK. You said both American and U.S., and you said dance way too   
many times. But it was better than I thought it would be for a  
first pass. Don’t confront the songwriting head on. Stress  
‘70s American roots. Stress the fun and play  
dumb. Think it over and we’ll tackle it again later.

Laura is nodding but she’s miles away. It’s plainly clear she’s exhausted.

SEBASTIAN (cot'd)  
Do you want to stop? You look like you want your nap.   
OK. Get some rest.

Sebastian turns around to where the camera crew is.

SEBASTIAN (cot'd)  
I’ll keep the wolves at bay.

Laura smiles weakly and closes her eyes. Sebastian puts on his earbuds while finishing talking. It’s been a productive, if frustrating, talk for both of them. Next stop: Stockholm.

FADE OUT:


	2. Chapter 2

EXT. GLOBEN HOTEL STOCKHOLM - NIGHT  
ESTABLISHING exterior of hotel lit up.

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

This large, chic Scandinavian-looking lobby is expansive with tall ceilings and twinkling lights. Tonight it’s host to a major Eurovision party, attended by hundreds of guests dressed in cocktail attire. Laura is standing alone in a shiny cocktail dress, her hair and makeup, flawless. Sebastian strides toward her arm extended with a glass of champagne and hands it to Laura, keeping his own.

SEBASTIAN  
Don’t look behind you. You’ll never guess  
who it is.

Laura turns to look behind her. Sebastian snaps in her face.

I said don’t look! Did you see who   
that was? The tall brunette in the   
black dress?

LAURA  
No.

SEBASTIAN  
That was  
(stage whisper)  
That was Jamala!

Laura stares blankly.

(COT'D)

The Ukrainian superstar? Her song   
is getting raves. Total hatchet job   
for Putin.

LAURA  
Oh the Ukrainian. You just said on the   
train you didn’t know her name.

SEBASTIAN  
Laura, that was then, yesterday  
even. I know now. I’m woke to Jamala.

LAURA  
I haven’t heard it. I’ve been busy a little.  
Rehearsing ten hours a day if you  
remember. I have dress rehearsal  
tomorrow.

_  
_

Sebastian steals another glance at JAMALA.

SEBASTIAN  
Well we have to say hi.

LAURA  
Why’s that?

SEBASTIAN  
Because it’s Jamala! I'll make some   
discreet inquiries with her people's  
people. Maybe I'll start with their   
people, who will talk to their people  
who know Jamala's people.

LAURA  
I’m sure she doesn’t have that many  
people.

SEBASTIAN  
Of course she does. Not everyone's  
as cheap as broke-ass Flanders,  
filming your soap opera in a warehouse  
they share with a Dutch bakery. All the  
sets smell like day-old bread. Some of   
these  countries like Ukraine take Eurovision  
very seriously, which is why they got  
a star like Jamala. Just please, don't say   
anything about her feet.

LAURA  
Why would I say anything about her  
feet?

SEBASTIAN  
Well, I mean, she’s missing a toe.

LAURA  
(sighs)  
A toe?

SEBASTIAN  
Yes, Laura, a toe. A toe.   
This little piggy? Not one of   
the big ones, one of the middle  
ones you don't need as much.   
Anyway, that's why she never wears  
sandals.

LAURA  
You saw this?

SEBASTIAN  
I mean, I didn’t see the foot, but I read   
about it.

LAURA  
Where?

SEBASTIAN  
Well, a YouTube comment.   
But then I googled it and I   
couldn't find any pictures of her  
in sandals. I even tried Google Ukraine.

_  
_

Laura’s eyes begin to drift.

SEBASTIAN (COT’D)  
Supposedly it was a boating   
accident.

LAURA  
What was?

SEBASTIAN  
How she lost it. The comment   
didn’t say but I bet she cut it and it  
got infected by the water. You know the   
Crimea.  Frankly we’re lucky she didn’t   
lose the foot.I don’t care how fast you can  
moonwalk, no way we could compete with   
a singer missing a foot.

LAURA  
I don’t think she’s missing a toe though.  
That’s ridiculous. But of course I won’t mention it.   
How would it even come up?

SEBASTIAN  
I mean, you could.

LAURA  
You just said not to mention it.

SEBASTIAN  
Well, don't ask about it. But you   
could let her know that you know.   
You know? Say like, “you've really   
started off on the right foot with that song,”   
or “I love your shoes” and then look at   
her feet. Talk about all your dancing.   
You never see Jamala dance. She just   
stands there and wows. Psych her out a bit.

LAURA  
That’s the most ridiculous Americanism   
I’ve ever heard.

Team Jamala begin making their way O.S.

SEBASTIAN  
They’re making a move. Let me go work   
some PR magic.

Laura watches him chase after Jamala then walks over to a buffet table. She reaches for a crab cake, the last one. Another hand reaches at the same time. It's Swedish pop sensation ROBYN.

ROBYN  
Hey, you taking that?

LAURA  
No, here you take it.

ROBYN  
Thanks girl. Hey, I know you from  
somewhere?

LAURA  
I don’t know, maybe. I’m Laura Tesoro.  
I’m a singer here from Belgium for  
Eurovision.

ROBYN  
Oh yeah yeah.

(singing)  
What’s the pressure? You will know in   
the end.

That’s a tight tune.

LAURA  
Thanks, Robyn. I’m a big fan. I listen to your album all  
the time. My mother and I --

ROBYN  
(interrupting)  
Yeah yeah yeah. Listen, girl,   
you one fine piece of white belgian chocolate.   
You got them abs for real.

Robyn takes out a Globen Hotel room key and holds it up. She gives it to Laura.

ROBYN (COT’D)  
A couple my girls going be chillin up at my   
suite, 20115. But they’ll be out by 1:30 - 2 if   
you want to drop in. Get acquainted, you   
hear? Alright, I’ll catch you. I got to  
go get my freak on with some fly Russian  
hotties.

Robyn moves O.S. A shocked Laura just has enough time to turn to grab a jumbo shrimp when Sebastian returns.

SEBASTIAN  
Sorry, Laur. It’s a no-go with Jamala.   
She’s heading up to the Pussy Riot   
party and we didn’t score the invite. Who was that you  
were talking to?

_  
_

Laura opens her mouth to explain. Before she can, Jamala walks by behind them. Laura and Sebastian glance over. Jamala stops, stands on one foot and grabs and adjusts the top of one of her high heeled shoes, then continues on O.S. Sebastian and Laura turn back and stare at each other.

FADE OUT:


	3. Chapter 3

FADE IN:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL ELEVATOR BANK

Sebastian is dragging Laura by the arm toward a bank of elevators in the lobby, away from the party. She is clutching her jumbo shrimp in one hand.

SEBASTIAN  
We have to find a way into that Pussy Riot party. It’s the only way we’re ever going to see Jamala.

LAURA  
I don’t care about Jamala. I need some sleep. Now where are we going?

SEBASTIAN  
To the party of course! Luckily I heard a group of slavic bears chatting about it when I was following Jamala around. Thank god I remembered my Russian from my year as Johnny Weir’s personal assistant. Twenty-third floor, I think, and they said to remember the fly Russian hotties to get in, whatever that means.

LAURA  
Wait did you say fly Russian hotties? You know that reminds me--

SEBASTIAN  
(interrupting)  
Oh shit, it's one of those hotels where you need a key to get to each floor. What if we can't get to floor 23 with our pleb keys?

_A group of leggy slavic-looking women enter an elevator at the far side of the bank. Sebastian yanks laura and sprints for it making it as the doors start to close. Floor 23 is already lit up. They play it cool. Laura brings up her shrimp about to take a bite. Sebastian slaps it from her hands._

SEBASTIAN  
What the hell was that?

LAURA  
(in Dutch)  
Goddammit!

  
(in English)  
My shrimp!

SEBASTIAN  
Fried shrimp, Laura? That’s not paleo.

LAURA  
I’m starving though. First, no more crab cakes and now you took my shrimp? What am I supposed to eat?

SEBASTIAN  
That’s not my problem. Anyway, you don’t need to be eating the day before dress rehearsal. Consider all the eight-year-old girls in Belgium who look up to you as thinspiration. Yes, you may be hungry, but you’re hungry for a just and worthy cause -- Europop.

_Laura looks at her stomach. The elevator deposits the group on the 23rd floor and the leggy women disembark. They walk up to the BOUNCER, a large Russian man standing outside the suite. He opens the door for the leggy women. Sebastian approaches._

SEBASTIAN  
(whispering)  
Yes, this is Laura Tesoro, the very famous popstar from Belgium. She's in Eurovision this year and we're here to see our dear, dear friend Jamala.

_Sebastian tries to palm off a 20 euro note on him. He refuses, shaking his head._

BOUNCER  
Jamala not expecting you.

_Laura steps in front of Sebastian._

LAURA  
Actually, we’re with Robyn. She told me to come by, check out the fly Russian hotties if I had the time.

SEBASTIAN  
Robyn did? I mean, she did. She totally did.

_The bouncer nods, radios in something unintelligible._

BOUNCER  
Laura Tesoro it is?

_Laura nods. Sebastian and Laura exchange a glance. There is a brief radio exchange before the Bouncer opens the door. Laura walks through with Sebastian right behind her, stuffing the 20 euro note back in his pants. He looks at the Bouncer._

SEBASTIAN  
Yeah, that’s right. Laura Tesoro. Better learn it.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

Laura and Sebastian are standing in the middle of a crowded hotel suite -- it’s the elusive Pussy Riot party. They are surveying the room.

SEBASTIAN  
Oh my stars, Laura. Everyone’s here. This is the party we should have been at all along. Look, there’s Michał Szpak. Although what is with that Sgt. Pepper’s coat? He’s no Ringo.

_Sebastian points to a MICHAL, a man with a goatee and long curly hair past his shoulders._

LAURA  
He’s the Polish singer?

SEBASTIAN  
The Polish heartthrob you mean. He’s got like 4 million hits on YouTube. God, we tried like hell to get his wind fan director for you (best in the biz) but he was booked solid ‘til May. There’s only a few hundred really good full-time wind fan directors in Central Europe and they go fast.

_An angular brunette with long curly hair is passing by. Sebastian waves._

SEBASTIAN (COT’D)  
Well now I can die and go to big gay heaven. It’s Samra. Samra! Over here.

_SAMRA approaches and smiles._

SEBASTIAN (COT’D)  
Hi, Samra, big fan, big big fan. Sebastian Krowton, public relations professional to the Eurovision elite. I have Laura Tesoro, this year's Belgian. Laura this is Samra from Azja--, Agabidet--, Azzabadad-- W-well, this is Samra.

_Laura and Samra shake hands and exchange pleasantries._

SEBASTIAN (COT’D)  
Samra, we’re such big fans. I’m always telling Laura, How is anyone gonna beat that Samra? Only with a stick ‘cause, girl, you are a miracle, just like your song.

SAMRA  
Thank you. It’s good party here no?

SEBASTIAN  
Yes, although I’ll confess we’re really here to see Jamala. Everyone’s been talking about Jamala.

SAMRA  
Oh, yes, the rumor you mean? I don’t know so much if it’s true.

SEBASTIAN  
Yes, the rumor, of course. Everyone’s talking about that. I was just saying to Laura that I hope it didn’t get infected after they took it off.

SAMRA  
(astonished)  
Infected? Is that why they took it off? I thought you had to ask them first. Sign a paper and take pills.

SEBASTIAN  
Well, yes, I’d be pretty peeved if doctors just started lobbing body parts off me without asking, but I guess they did what they had to do.

_Samra looks horrified. Sebastian scrambles to recover._

SEBASTIAN (COT’D)  
Why what did you hear?

SAMRA  
Just the bathroom incident.

LAURA  
The bathroom incident? What happened in the bathroom?

SEBASTIAN  
Oh Laura, keep up! We were just talking about the bathroom incident, really. She’s got a mind like a sieve; she hasn’t eaten in three days. I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt. What were you saying about the bathroom incident? Might as well fill Laura in.

SAMRA  
Just Jamala came out of men’s bathroom. They said she can use either now, I think, since surgery to turn her into woman.

SEBASTIAN  
Oh oh yes, the surgery. Everyone is indeed talking about that. The surgery. Why Laura’s best friend Robyn’s seen the scars and everything when they were backstage yesterday changing for pressers. She saw her naked as the day she was born and saw the whole kit and caboodle, such as it is. Right, Laur?

LAURA  
Actually--

SEBASTIAN  
(interrupting)  
See, Samra. You heard it first-hand from Robyn. But here’s the real scoop. She’s also missing not one but two toes, nonconsecutively, if you can believe it.

SAMRA  
No!

_Laura rolls her eyes and looks around the room._

LAURA  
Really, Sebastian. This is too far.

SEBASTIAN  
Yes, Samra! And that’s not so much a rumor as confirmed fact. The first she lost in a boring boating accident. But the second they had to take off for the other surgery. Did you ever see the Nip/Tuck about genital mutilation? No? Well I did and they took half a toe to reconstruct a sensitive female area. Anyway, something went wrong in Jamala’s case and they just ended up taking the whole thing off. It’s why she never dances. Balance issues.

_Jamala suddenly passes by Samra and Sebastian. Samra touches her arm._

SAMRA  
Jamala dear.

JAMALA  
Samra.

_Samra and Jamala exchange three air kisses._

SAMRA  
Jamala, this is…

SEBASTIAN  
Sebastian Krowton of Los Angeles, California, public relations professional to the stars of the stage, screen, and velvet-throat, although none with such an angelic voice as yours, Jamala. We’re big, big fans, of course. I was just telling Laura Tesoro, I don’t think there’s anyone here who can go toe-to-toe with that Jamala. Wasn’t I Laura?

_Sebastian turns to Laura but she’s gone._

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)  
L-Laur?

_He shoots an awkward smile to Jamala._

CUT TO:

For the second time this evening, Laura is alone, standing over a buffet table. She notices something that catches her eye. She looks around. No Sebastian in sight.

LAURA  
Crab cakes! Yes!

_Laura grabs a plate and begins piling crab cakes onto it. Suddenly Michał Spzak approaches and gets close into Laura’s personal space. She puts down the plate and backs up facing him. He is inches from her, staring deep into her eyes._

MICHAL  
Oh… tell me black or white. What colour is your life?

LAURA  
Pardon me?

MICHAL  
No one is forever beautiful and young. Everything you know just disappears.

_Laura is frantically looking around for Sebastian, still engaged with Jamala and Samra._

LAURA  
Uh, I think maybe we haven’t already met. I’m Laura Tesoro, from Flanders. I’m singing here for Eurovision like you.

_She extends a hand. Michał makes no move to shake it, and continues staring._

MICHAL  
Fame and gold are nothing you can be sure. When there is no love in your heart.

LAURA  
I-I don’t. Is that from a song, or?

MICHAL  
The choice is yours, who you really want to be? Don’t be afraid of your destiny.

_Michał backs up still staring at Laura. She widens her eyes, turns her back to him to her plate, picks up 2 crab cakes and stuffs a whole one in her mouth. She starts to chew. It’s delicious. She turns around to find herself once again face to face with Michał, who is even closer to her than before. She stops chewing, frozen in fear. Michał gently takes his hand to the back of Laura’s head and pulls her into a deep, passionate open-mouth kiss. For several seconds, Laura is stunned. Then, she pushes him away and he backs up still staring deep into Laura’s eyes. Sebastian approaches._

SEBASTIAN  
What the hell was that? I work my ass off all night to get you thirty seconds of face time with Jamala and you skip out to play tonsil hockey with Michał Szpak like this is tenth-grade chapel?

_Laura is chewing furiously. She shrugs._

LAURA  
(unintelligible)  
He kissed me.

SEBASTIAN  
What? Laura, I can’t understand a word you’re saying. What the hell are you eating? Is that crab? Give it Laura.

_Sebastian opens his hand near Laura’s mouth. Michał, in the background, starts coughing. A POLISH MAN and POLISH WOMAN look concerned._

LAURA  
(unintelligible)  
It’s one crab cake. I’m starving, and he kissed me.

SEBASTIAN  
Laura, I can’t understand you. I’m getting you a napkin so you can spit that shit out. I don’t want it on my hands. I just moisturized.

_Michał continues wheezing furiously. The Polish Man starts patting his back. Michał clutches his throat. Sebastian gets a napkin and gives it to Laura. She brings it to her face, but Michał collapses, drawing both Sebastian and Laura’s attention. There is some general screaming in the room._

POLISH WOMAN  
(in Polish)  
Call a doctor!

Call a doctor!

POLISH MAN  
Michał? Michał?

_Michał starts convulsing wildly on the floor._

POLISH WOMAN  
Clear his mouth out!

POLISH MAN  
There's crab here. Did anyone see him eat crab? He has allergic to death.

_Laura, mouth still full, gets wide eyed. She gingerly places the crab cake she's holding on the buffet table and pushes it away from her. Michał’s convulsions intensify. The Polish Man attempts CPR._

POLISH MAN (COT’D)  
He's not breathing!

POLISH WOMAN  
(hysterically, in polish)  
Oh my god! Oh my god!

_Laura, transfixed, gulps down the last of her crab cake._

  
FADE OUT:


	4. Chapter 4

FADE IN:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Laura, alone, is walking briskly down the hall toward the elevator, which is already open but closing. Sebastian is far behind her at the door to the suite, which is crowded with chattering people. It’s now at a raucous din.

SEBASTIAN  
Laura? Laura, where are you going? Is this about the crab, because you can just work off the calories with an extra hour in the gym.

_Laura enters the elevator and almost bumps right into Jamala, arm-in-arm with Robyn, and Samra. She steps back so she is right in the elevator doorway._

JAMALA  
(to Robyn)  
Is too much screaming for small Polish boy. We go now to sexy suite?

ROBYN  
Yeah yeah, let’s get wildin’.

(to Laura)  
Yo, white chocolate. We about to head up my suite, got it all decked out. You in for a ride on my Swedish massage thighs?

_Laura glances back at the Pussy Riot suite._

LAURA  
(stammering)  
I--I can’t -- I just. I can’t.

POLISH MAN (O.S.)  
(shouting)  
Who gave crab? Find who gave crab.

_Laura furrows her brow._

LAURA  
On second thought.

_Laura jumps in the elevator and starts furiously pushing the Close Door button._

  
FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

 

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL SUITE BATHROOM - NIGHT

Laura is standing inside a posh white bathroom, replete with Scandinavian-style fixtures. The walls bordering the suite are glass, but a thin grey curtain has been drawn across them. Laura is a mess, her mascara running. She has obviously been crying as she paces around the bathroom. She opens a mini-bar sized bottle of vodka and downs it in one go. She sits on the toilet, lid down.

ROBYN (O.S.)  
Yo little Dutch girl. You OK in there? Where you at?

LAURA  
Ja, coming!

_Laura goes to the sink and splashes some water on her face. She smiles in the mirror and steels herself._

CUT TO:

Inside the suite itself it is dark but bathed in orange-red light. The room has been altered to something out of 50 Shades of Grey. There are various whips, metal loops, toys, and ropes about the room, especially on the bed. There is plenty of leather. Jamala is on all fours in leather lingerie. She is wearing a collar, tethered to the bed by a rope. One hand is cuffed to a bedpost; the other has a loose handcuff attached to it. Samra and Robyn, both in lace lingerie, are behind her -- Robyn directly so. Robyn appears to be moving her hands about behind Jamala.

JAMALA  
(shudders)  
You make tighter on neck to give greater feeling.

_Samra obliges and tightens the strap. Jamala motions for her to increase the tightening._

SAMRA  
You remember safe word is Azerbaijan, yes?

_Samra continues tightening. The bathroom door opens and Laura enters the suite. She stands in front of the bed feeling a little out of her element._

LAURA  
I-- I don’t know. Maybe I should go. I feel so bad about the thing before with Michal.

ROBYN  
Uh-huh, oh yeah. They texted while yous was in the can saying that Polish guy is gonna be fine. He just had to walk it off. Now how ‘bout you shimmy out that dress and show off them Belgian truffles.

_Laura looks greatly relieved. She wants to believe._

JAMALA  
Oh, da, da, tighter.

_Samra gives a hard yank to the strap and Laura removes her dress at the same instant. Jamala gives a low gag but Samra and Robyn are already transfixed by Laura, and are off the bed and heading toward her._

ROBYN  
Nice, them’s what I call double Dutch.

_The three stand together and make a sort of triangle and begin exploring each other. In the background, Jamala is gagging for breath, trying to speak._

JAMALA  
(gagging)  
Azja--, Agabidet--, Azzabadad--

_The trio in front of the bed pay her no mind as they continue with gentle kissing etc. Robyn conspicuously traces her hand down Laura’s bare arm and lower._

ROBYN  
Oh, yeah. You got that warm Dutch oven.

_The trio giggles lightly. Jamala is still gagging and gasping for air._

ROBYN (COT’D)  
Yeah, I gots to go give some sugar to that hot Belgian waffle.

_Robyn disappears from the frame as Laura continues giggling with Samra. Laura closes her eyes for an extended moment while her giggling intensifies.She stops. A look of sublime satisfaction comes across her face. When her eyes flutter open, she catches sight of a mute Jamala flailing on the bed._

LAURA  
(in Dutch)  
Oh my God! Jamala!

_Robyn emerges and turns with Samra just in time to see Jamala do one last belly flop on the bed. Her foot hangs over the edge. As the trio rushes to help her, we see two toes missing from the foot._

FADE OUT:


	5. Chapter 5

FADE IN:

INT. ERICSSON THEATRE BACKSTAGE - DAY

A haggard Laura in a chartreuse tracksuit is shuffling through a line past a buffet table. She lazily takes a poppy seed bagel from an assorted pile and some jam. She seems dazed. An arm reaches across hers to grab a danish. It belongs to JOHANNES NYMARK, sexy boybander from Danish pop group Lighthouse X. He looks at Laura and her plate.

JOHANNES  
In Flanders fields, the poppies blow…

_Laura stares at him blankly, impatiently._

JOHANNES (COT’D)  
The bagel, the poppy seeds from the poem. You’re from Flanders?

_Laura nods, in something resembling acknowledgement. Johannes moves to shake her hand. She takes it._

JOHANNES (COT’D)

I’m Johannes ... Nymark. From Lighthouse Ten? We’re the Danish group this year.

 

_Laura recognizes him and nods sympathetically._

 

LAURA

Yes, yes, of course, Hi. Laura Tesoro from Belgium.

(smiles)

I guess you already knew that.

 

JOHANNES

I recognized you from your video. I love the song. Great voice.

 

LAURA

(distantly)

Thanks. You too.

 

_They finish in line and head to a nearby group of tables._

 

JOHANNES

So. You hear about Jamala from Ukraine?

 

_Laura blanches and looks at him, frozen in fear. She shakes her head quickly._

 

JOHANNES (COT’D)

She caught her scarf in a doorway. Hurt her neck and had to go to hospital. She might not even perform.

 

LAURA

(blankly)

Oh, no. Is she OK? I didn’t hear her. -- I didn’t hear about her, I mean.

 

JOHANNES

And then there’s poor Michał Spzak on life support. The tabloids are saying drugs; his family is saying allergic reaction. My band is covering Candle in the Wind as a tribute to him. Sad Eurovision this year.

 

_Laura looks away and nods._

JOHANNES (COT'D)

Hey, so my band left to go Snapchat some sympathy shots for Jamala and Michal. Do you want to grab a seat? I did mine earlier.

 

LAURA

Uh. Yeah, that sounds...

 

_Sebastian suddenly approaches clutching a bottle of water and squeezes himself between Johannes and Laura. He looks at the poppy seed bagel on Laura’s plate._

 

SEBASTIAN

Carbs, Laura? I know you’re in the middle of a breakdown but I didn’t think you were going full Kelly Clarkson on me.

 

_Sebastian takes the bagel and puts it on Johannes’ plate and touches him on the arm._

 

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)

(to Johannes)

Hey, Queen of Denmark. Treat yourself.

 

_Laura rolls her eyes and puts her now-empty plate on a table. She turns to Johannes._

 

LAURA

Sorry, I have to go.  


_Johannes moves to shake Sebastian’s hand. He doesn’t take it._

 

JOHANNES

(to Sebastian)

Johannes Nymark… Light--

 

SEBASTIAN

Yeah yeah, I know, Lighthouse X.

 

_Sebastian crosses his index fingers together to make an X._

 

JOHANNES

It’s ten actually -- Lighthouse Ten.

 

SEBASTIAN

(shakes head)

Mmm, no. I’m pretty sure that’s not it . . .

 

 _Johannes’ face falls._  


JOHANNES

(to Laura)

Well nice to meet you, Laura. Maybe later we can vlog something….

 

_Laura’s face lights up. Sebastian rolls his eyes and steps between Laura and Johannes. He links arms with Laura and puts his palm up near Johannes’ face._

 

SEBASTIAN

Yeah, listen Danish Girl, you want Laura time, make an appointment like everyone else. How’s three weeks from never?

 

_Sebastian leads Laura away and starts walking through the backstage area, rolling his eyes._

 

LAURA

I wasn’t hungry anyway.

 

SEBASTIAN

(turning back to Johannes)

No, but you were looking awfully thirsty. Get it together.

 

_He tries to hand the water to Laura._

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)

Speaking of, you do need to drink up. Mandatory drug tests for all contestants in two hours.

 

LAURA

Drug tests?!

 

_Sebastian looks at his smartphone._

 

SEBASTIAN

Yes, but you’re clean, don’t worry. They’re only looking for opiates.

(sighs)

Eurovision’s taking it pretty serious after someone leaked to tabloids that you saw Michał Spzak and Samra tying up their arms at the Pussy Riot party. It’s hit all the blogs.

 

_Sebastian hands Laura a smartphone with a tabloid headline: Source: Drugs to Blame in Polish Eurovision Singer Collapse._

 

LAURA

(incredulous)

You told them I saw this?

 

SEBASTIAN

Guaranteed anonymity. I needed your name for the convicer. You were seen at the party along with Samra. It can be fact checked.

 

LAURA

(angry)

How could you put my name anywhere near this mess? This is all your fault, you and your stupid Jamala.

(mocking)

Oh Laura, we have to go meet Jamala. It’s bad enough two people are in the hospital, now you want the press asking questions about drugs and who knows what else? You’re supposed to be helping me. Are you trying to destroy me?

 

SEBASTIAN

(shrugging)

Earth to Laura: If the papers keep harping on the whole crab angle they’re going to start to wonder how he got the crab in his mouth in the first place. And if they knew you were sucking down more than crab cakes with Michał it won’t be such a big leap to wondering what other sexploits you’re getting up to with your fellow contestants.

 

LAURA

Oh god, you know about Jamala too?

 

SEBASTIAN

Does a frantic 4 a.m. briefing with Robyn’s people count? Don’t worry. They’re concerned about a scandal as much as we are. The official Jamala story is that her scarf got caught in a door Isadora Duncan style. Fortunately, she’s only suffered some vocal chord bruising. I hear the feed tube will be out any day now.

 

LAURA

But Michal, he will be OK?

 

SEBASTIAN

Well, he’s fluttering off to the great wind fan in the sky where only the angels have to listen to him suck. Although, as a PR professional, I'm not sure I can technically equate brain dead to actually being dead. More like unconsciously uncoupled from consciousness.

 

_Laura begins to sob as they reach her backstage dressing area, surrounded on all sides by grey curtains. Inside a handful of people are waiting. Brecht, the choreographer, is there._

 

LAURA

(as entering)

I did this. I ruined them both, put Jamala in the hospital. Killed Michal.

(scoffs)

I probably just destroyed that guy Johannes out there in two minutes of talking. I’m a monster. I’ve ruined everything.

 

BRECHT

Where have you been? We have to review second chorus lighting changes.

 

ANNOUNCER (V.O)

Laura Tesoro to the main stage in ten. Laura Tesoro in ten.

 

LAURA

Oh, I don’t think I can do it.

 

SEBASTIAN

Laura, listen to me: of course you can. Those were accidents. You didn’t do anything wrong. Michal assaulted you. He’s a creep. And you’re not Jamala with the weird asphyxiation fetish who forgot the simple safeword. Who can’t say Azerbaijan? In my book you’ve done everything right.

 

_A STYLIST unzips Laura’s tracksuit and helps her into a sequined jacket. A SECOND STYLIST works on her hair._

 

LAURA

Oh yeah. How do you figure that? I did them both a favor?

 

BRECHT

Laura, we really have to go...

 

SEBASTIAN

Yeah, David Guetta, we get it.

(to Laura)

Laura, you did yourself a favor for once. They were both in your semi-final. Have you seen the stinkers they have for backups? You can go out there and win this now.

 

_Laura scoffs but she cracks a smile._

 

LAURA

Yeah, to think of all the months I’ve wasted worrying about singing and dancing when all I needed to do was pick them off one by one.

 

SEBASTIAN

There’s the spirit!

 

_Brecht begins leading a willing Laura out of the room._

SEBASTIAN (COTD)

(stammering)

Ah yeah Laur, one more thing. Back to ah Jamala. She wasn’t a uh. You know, a.

 

LAURA

(shrugging)

Dunno. Never really checked.

 

_Laura and Brecht continue walking out._

 

SEBASTIAN

Ah, and the uh, little piggies?

 

_Laura turns over her shoulder. She gives a brief pause, then turns all the way around and crosses her index fingers into an X._

 

LAURA

Ten. She had all ten toes.

 

FADE OUT:


	6. Chapter 6

INT. EUROVISION MAIN STAGE GLOBE THEATER - DAY 

Dress rehearsal has arrived: The grand Eurovision stage at the Globe is dark and quiet until the familiar funky bass line of What’s the Pressure fills the air and fog smothers the stage. Five male and five female ethnically diverse dancers, a mix of black, hispanic and southeast Asian, enter. The men are well built and shirtless. The women are scantily clad with cleavage showing. All the dancers are wearing iron-looking chains around their wrists. The final three men are carrying a plinth. On it stands Laura, posed, wearing a sexy sequined toga cinched at the waist with Roman jewelry. She is holding grapes. They set her down as she begins singing and starts following the careful choreography with the dancers behind her. 

LAURA

(singing)

Don’t ask me why the sun is shining, long after the day is done. The evening falls the bright lights...

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. EUROVISION GLOBE THEATER BACKSTAGE - DAY   
  


Brecht looks elated as he and Sebastian view the performance from a flat-screen TV backstage. Sebastian looks on wide-eyed in near disbelief, mouth agape in horror.

 

SEBASTIAN

(grimacing)

You don't think it's .... a bit much?

 

BRECHT

(shakes head)

Nah.

 

SEBASTIAN

I mean, the chains though?

 

BRECHT

It's a ... how do you say, a metaphor for pressure. Laura is freeing them from pressure.

 

_ Laura, onstage and visible on the flat screen, sings the chorus lyric "What's the pressure" while she karate chops a MALE DANCER's chains, then chops the chains from a SECOND MALE DANCER. They fall off onto the floor and the two dancers begin a synchronized, choreographed pop dance behind laura. Sebastian slowly nods, wide-eyed, then buries his face in his hands, shaking his head. The song finally ends. Everyone on stage is happy and begins making their way O.S.  _

 

BRECHT

Wow, just wow. Extraordinary.

 

SEBASTIAN

And the dancers, they don't mind?

 

BRECHT

The dancers? About what?

 

SEBASTIAN

The chains. They don’t mind about being chained up across the stage?

 

BRECHT

Oh, well, I’m sure they don’t. Everyone says they love the choreography.

 

SEBASTIAN

Everyone... white?

 

_ A male dancer walks past.  _

 

BRECHT

What’s that? Oh, here one comes now. Let’s ask him. Excuse me, dancer. Oh dancer. Over here, dancer!

 

_ Sebastian closes his eyes and inhales.  _

 

SEBASTIAN

Oh boy.

  
  


CUT TO:

Laura is walking backstage, in the opposite direction from Brecht and Sebastian. An ASSISTANT hands her water and a towel. She surveys the room. She sees Brecht and Sebastian talking to a dancer. In another part of the room, she spies Johannes. He notices her and motions for her to come over to where he is talking to a dark-haired British woman, aged 30 something. This is the infamous SABRINA RIBBON.

 

JOHANNES

Laura, great show out there. Your dancing is amazing. Please let me introduce you to Sabrina Ribbon. Sabrina is a writer.

 

_ Sabrina and Laura shake hands. _

 

SABRINA

Laura Tesoro. I’ve been hearing a lot about you lately.

 

LAURA

(smiling)

Oh, wow. Everything good, I hope.

 

SABRINA

Johannes here has been telling me all about wonderful you are. And I can see why. You clearly don’t get so hung up on the whole beauty and looks song-and-dance like most popstars. And you’re so modest. Why, I doubt anyone’s ever even heard of you before this week. So refreshing.

 

LAURA

Gee, thanks.

 

JOHANNES

What Sabrina means to say is that we all find you so charming and….

 

SABRINA

(interrupting)

Oh, there he goes again. He simply can’t get enough of you. I can’t believe you’ve never met before today. Me, I’ve known Johannes for positively ages. We go way back to when he was starring in the Viggo Mortensen tribute musical, Lord of the Road, in Copenhagen. Closed after three performances, but what a ride, right Johnny-cakes?

 

JOHANNES

Yes, Sabrina is such a great supporter of my music. Say, you should do a story about Laura here.

 

_ Sabrina waves her hand in a circle near Laura. _

 

SABRINA

I’d love to do a story on Laura. I’m just not sure where I’d even begin with all this.

 

_ A GERMAN SUIT along with a GERMAN ASSISTANT approach the trio. _

 

GERMAN SUIT

(to Johannes)

Excuse me, Mr. Nymark. Can I please ask you for a word? It’s urgent.

 

JOHANNES

(laughing nervously)

Uh-oh. I hope I’m not in trouble. Ladies, please excuse me.

 

_ Johannes departs O.S. with the suits. _

 

SABRINA

(arches eyebrows)

That sounded dire. So, Laura Tesoro from Flanders, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself. What have you been up to the last few days? Met any interesting people?

 

LAURA

Hm, not really, I’ve been so busy rehearsing. Although I was at a party last night. Actually, nevermind. It wasn’t that interesting.

 

SABRINA

Oh, no, do go on. I don’t kiss and tell. It can be just between us girls.

 

LAURA

Well, I did get to meet Robyn.

 

SABRINA

Ah, right, the infamous Pussy Riot party. Tell me, is Robyn as much of a mynx as everyone says?

 

_ Suddenly Sebastian is seen running at full sprint to where Sabrina and Laura are talking. He is out of breath when he arrives. _

 

SEBASTIAN

(panting)

Laura, don’t say another word. Sabrina, if you’re looking for the Bottom-feeder’s Anonymous meeting, I’m pretty sure it’s over wherever Lighthouse Ex is.

 

SABRINA

Sebastian, what a nice surprise. I heard you were working with Laura here, although I thought they’d kicked you off of all the civilized continents ages ago. But here you are, back like a bad case of herpes -- to use an analogy I’m sure is familiar.

 

SEBASTIAN

That’s funny, ‘Rina, considering I’d thought you’d been kicked off of all the civilized newspapers on planet Earth. Didn’t you lose your U.K. press card for that Daily Mail story about Prince Charles getting fisted by a pig?

 

SABRINA

Actually, I’m helping launch a new English language site for Ekstra Bladet in Denmark. It’s so adorable to see you at Eurovision considering it’s where music comes to die, much like your career since being permanently blacklisted from figure skating.

 

SEBASTIAN

Likewise, it’s great to see you getting in on the bottom floor of a newspaper, considering how much time you’ve spent down there with editors on your knees.

 

SABRINA

(sighs)

Tell me, Sebastian. Does it still sting that you can’t legally come within 50 meters of any ISU-certified skating rink?

 

SEBASTIAN

Sabrina, for the last time, those Rolexes were not bribes. They were tokens of appreciation for attending Johnny Weir’s vodka launch. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to go and do literally anything other than stand here talking to you.

 

SABRINA

Oh what a shame, when I was just about to catch Laura up with the most bizarre rumors I’ve been hearing all morning. Did you hear the real story about Jamala?

 

_ Sebastian begins leading Laura away in a hurry. _

 

SEBASTIAN

Pack of lies, everything you’ve heard. Toodlepip.

 

_ Sebastian waves and leads Laura to where they are safely away from Sabrina. _

 

SEBASTIAN

Those are positively my very last words to that noxious, limey Brenda Starr wannabe. Do you believe she once had the gumption to infer that I need a crash course in ethics? You didn’t tell her anything, right?

 

LAURA

No. Just stupid little talk about Eurovision. She was I think trying to make me jealous in front of Johannes.

 

SEBASTIAN

Oh, that’s a relief. Like most journalists, Sabrina can never get past thinking about herself long enough to do any real probing. But you’re sure you said nothing? I just need to know. She seemed to have some ideas about Jamala, but that was all bluster I’m sure.

 

LAURA

No. Only that. Oh, it’s nothing.

 

SEBASTIAN

What?

 

LAURA

It’s nothing, like I said.

 

SEBASTIAN

Laur. You’re scaring me.

 

LAURA

Well, it’s just that she asked if I had met anyone and so I told her we went to a party and I met Robyn. And she said, Oh the famous Pussy Riot party. That’s all.

 

SEBASTIAN

Hum. That’s not so bad. I told a few tabloids you were at the Pussy Riot party. There’s a chance she already knew that. 

(sighs)

Now for some real talk, and boy this is not easy for me. How wedded are you to that whole chain routine? 

 

LAURA

Hey, Sebastian?

 

SEBASTIAN

Hm? 

 

LAURA

What’s a mynx?

 

SEBASTIAN

An absolute baller in the sack. Total freak-a-deek. Would go down on you standing up without a second thought. Uh. Why’dyou ask?

 

LAURA

It’s just that, well Sabrina asked if Robyn was a mynx like everyone says.

 

SEBASTIAN

Wait, Sabrina said that? What…

 

_ The hall door that just moments before Johannes had gone through with the suits bursts open. Once again, Johannes is with them, only now there are many more suits with them. They are walking briskly toward the other end of the backstage area. _

 

JOHANNES

There must be some mistake. I don’t understand. I’m not on drugs. The test must be wrong. I need to speak to my advocate.  

 

_ Everyone in the room is staring at Johannes as he makes his way right past Laura and Sebastian. He grabs Laura’s arm in desperation. _

 

JOHANNES (COT'D)

Laura, you have to tell them. I’m not on drugs. I don’t understand what’s happening. Laura, please.

 

SEBASTIAN

(pulling Laura and Johannes apart)

Hey, Hands Christian Anderson. Don’t touch the talent. It’s not going to rub off on you.

 

_ Johannes is all but dragged away O.S. _

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)

Well, well, well. Looks like Lighthouse is more like Lighthorse. 

 

_ Laura stares blankly. _

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)

That was a heroin joke, dear, please do keep up.

 

LAURA

Heroin? Johannes? No, there must be some mistake. Johannes is not on heroin.  

 

SEBASTIAN

Oh, my sweet summer child. Drug tests don’t lie, unlike drag queen in the evenings Danish singers -- man, Eurovision is not playing around this year. 

 

LAURA

Wait. You said before it was an opiate test.

 

SEBASTIAN

Yeah? 

 

LAURA

Well was it testing for opiates or rather opioids -- which include semi-synthetics derived from opiates, like heroin, as well as discrete synthetics like fentanyl and methodone? Opiates are more limited to the natural alkaloids found in the opium poppy. Besides, Johannes doesn’t exhibit any of the classic signs of heroin use: flushed skin, drowsiness, dry mouth, skin irritation.

 

_ Sebastian stares back blankly. _

  
LAURA (COT'D)

Uh. My parents are doctors of pharmacology.

 

SEBASTIAN

Well, that’s great that you have a fallback in case this whole pop music thing doesn’t pan out, but I fail to see the significance. Six to one, half a junkie the other.

 

LAURA

What if … oh my god, of course. The poppy seed bagel. What if the poppy seed bagel you gave to Johannes this morning was what caused him to fail the opiate test?

 

SEBASTIAN

(wincing)

Oh... Laura. Don’t be silly. That’s ridiculous.

 

_ Sebastian takes out his phone and begins thumbing through it. _

  
SEBASTIAN (COT'D)

Honestly, Laura. You’ve been watching too much Seinfeld. How would that even work?

 

_ Sebastian places the phone to his ear, making a call. He gives Laura the “just a sec” finger. _

 

LAURA

What is it? Who are you calling?

 

SEBASTIAN

(pauses)

Sabrina? It’s Sebastian, and do I have a scoop for you.

 

FADE OUT:


	7. Chapter 7

FADE IN:

INT. TV STUDIO - SKY NEWS

A SKY NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN is giving a report. The lower third reads “Denmark Withdraws From Eurovision.”

SKY NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN

Danish broadcaster DR has withdrawn their country’s entry into the Eurovision song contest today following an alleged positive drug test result for one of its contestants.

CUT TO:

_ An abrupt cut to BBC news station. _

BBC ANCHOR MAN

Lead singer Johannes Nymark of the Danish pop group Lighthouse Ten has allegedly tested positive for banned substances and will no longer compete for Denmark, which has withdrawn entirely from this year’s contest. The announcement comes on the heels of a number of crises over the past two days concerning contestants. Ukrainian singer Jamala

CUT TO:

_ A French news program.  _

FRENCH ANCHOR WOMAN

(in French)

Ukrainian singer Jamala has released a statement saying she is being flown to Paris to continue recuperating from a neck injury sustained when she caught a scarf 

  
CUT TO:

_ An Australian news program. Lower third reads Eurovision in Crisis  _

AUSTRALIAN  ANCHOR MAN

In other Eurovision News, Polish contestant Michal Szpak is still on life support after a near fatal collapse. His family has recently posted on Instagram thanking fans for their prayers and support, saying some quote tough choices lie ahead. The cause of Szpak’s collapse is unknown but several European newspapers have reported

CUT TO:

_ A Netherlands roundtable show. Several panelists are seated.  _

DUTCH MALE PANELIST (HANS)

(in Dutch)

As for the semi-final, now that Poland and Ukraine are out, I’m liking Belgium’s chances here.

DUTCH FEMALE PANELIST

I agree with Hans. Laura Tesoro’s funky little song is different. This is someone we weren’t even thinking about a few days ago. But now the upbeat message is much more relevant. It’s a much stronger contender. I could easily see this slipping into the final and then a top five finish.

SECOND MALE PANELIST

I could see this one going all the way. Not to spoil anything, but early word is that the choreography is fantastic. 

DUTCH FEMALE PANELIST

I’ve heard the same thing. Very cutting edge.

  
FADE OUT:

 

FADE IN:

 

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

  
Laura standing inside her large hotel room holding the remote out to a now-off TV. The room is crowded with people. Some are helping Laura dress for her semifinal performance, helping her into her sequined jacket, doing hair and makeup. Brecht is lost in his iPad. Laura takes a last look in the mirror. She looks strong and confident. Determined. She gathers up her purse and heads out the door with Brecht and her team.

 

LAURA

(in English to save on, ugh, subtitles)

Showtime.

 

BRECHT

(in motion)

I don’t know, Laura. Maybe Sebastian is right.

 

LAURA

Please don’t ever say that.

 

BRECHT

Metal chains are the obvious metaphor. I’ve been so blind. We have to cut them out.

 

LAURA

I go on stage in 45 minutes. I’m already supposed to be down there already. I really--

 

BRECHT

(interrupting)

The choreography won’t change, but I can’t use the chains. The art, the passion, the pressure. Metal is cold and unforgiving. We need the soft power statement of leather. 

 

LAURA

Maybe we should just use the metal chains we practiced with. A change right now could be confusing to the dancers.

 

BRECHT

(irate)

Forget the dancers! I’m thinking of you, Laura. You cannot break pressure. It does not break. You must bend it to your will. Imagine the smooth, well-oiled texture of leather against taut skin, bending and stretching until the final snap. It’s genius. I must find those leather chains.

 

_ The group reaches the elevator bank. Brecht pushes the down arrow. _

 

LAURA

You mean you don’t have them?

 

BRECHT

Laura, this brainstorm -- this brain-vision -- has only just flowered from a seed carefully watered and percolated. Now, I will save the day and find the straps. 

 

(to everyone)

Everyone, can I have your attention. Does anyone know where we can find fifteen leather straps in less than an hour? 

 

_ There is a general silence and shrugging.  _

(COT'D)

You failures. Do you mean to ruin me?

 

_ Laura sighs and reaches into her purse. She takes out a Globen hotel key card and thumbs it over.  _

 

LAURA

(nods)

Wait. I have an idea.

  
_ She takes out her Apple iPhone® 6 and starts typing. She sends a text and it pops up: “Meet me ASAP. I need your help.” The elevator dings and slides open. _

 

FADE OUT:

 

INT. GLOBEN THEATRE MAIN STAGE 

 

A clip plays introducing the semi-final plays, showing various Eurovision contestants, including Michal, Laura, and Jamala, singing, plus fans waving flags and various opening-ceremony glamour shots. 

  
CUT TO:  
  


ANNOUNCER (V.O)

Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames et messieurs, please give a warm welcome for the hosts of Eurovision 2016, Petra Mede and Mans Zelmerlow.

 

_ There is wild cheering inside the packed stadium. Sabrina is seen in the press section. Selah Sue is in attendance. So are various Eurovision has-beens. PETRA, a tall 50-something woman enters with Mans, an early 30s, toned, wearing a nothing but a fur loincloth. _

 

PETRA

(stilted)

Welcome everyone to the semi-final of Eurovision 2016. I’m Petra Mede.

 

MANS

And I’m Mans Zelmerlow. Tonight we’ll find out which ten of our fourteen contestants will make it through to the final where they’ll be competing for Eurovision glory. 

 

PETRA

But first, Mans, a word about what you are wearing?

 

_ There is general sexy applause. _

 

MANS

You don’t like it? I’m getting in touch with my inner wolf tonight, like some of our contestants. 

 

_ Mans howls to general sexy applause. _

 

PETRA

(annoyed)

Everyone, please. Let’s stick to the schedule. Tonight we are presenting our semi-finalists. As we all know, creating a great Eurovision song takes a lot of training, skill, work, and money.

 

MANS

Much like your new face, Petra. 

 

PETRA

We can’t all get by on our abs, Mans. Some of us need talent too.

 

_ Petra pauses for laughter that never comes.  _

 

(COT’D)

But we won’t deny it’s been a long difficult journey this year. And we’ve lost several from the Eurovision family who can’t be with us here tonight.

 

MANS

As a special tribute we have most of the Gdansk Boys Choir here tonight to perform a tribute to Michal Sp--

 

_ Applause drowns Mans out. _

 

PETRA

But first. Introducing from all over Europe, the contestants of the Eurovision 2016 semi-final. Featuring: Australia. Belarus. Belgium..... 

 

_ The teams start shuffling in from the back toward the stage, contestants with their managers and minders and assorted staff, all holding battery candles and waving flags. Laura and Brecht are among the Belgian team. Laura looks nervous as she files onto the stage with only the other contestants as they form a semicircle. There is some general swaying as the Gdansk boys choir file onto the stage. Sabrina Ribbon is seen in the press box clapping lazily and rolling her eyes. She shimmies out of her seat and exits. _

 

CUT TO:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL HALLWAY 

 

Sebastian steps off the elevator and begins hauling ass down the corridor, a Globen hotel key card in his hand, a backpack slung on one shoulder. He looks at his iPhone and puts it away. He walks briskly away, rounding the corner, then another. He walks, rounds another corner and stops abruptly. He is at suite 20115. He uses the keycard to let himself in to the suite, Robyn’s, which is still set up like the 50 Shades of Grey red room, with sex toys and various leather and metal fasteners about, and on the walls. Sebastian takes in the scene. The bathroom light is on, but through the glass it appears empty. He walks to the bed.

 

SEBASTIAN

(muttering)

Jesus, Laura. It’s a miracle you can still walk upright.

 

__ Sebastian begins collecting and stuffing leather straps, cuffs, and fasteners into the backpack. He has plenty to choose from, pulling them from the walls. One cuff slips out of his grasp and rolls onto the floor, under a trendy rectangular chaise.   
  


SEBASTIAN

(sucks teeth)

Christ on a laptop.

 

Sebastian bends over to reach for the cuff stretching his arm under the chaise. With his head low, he doesn’t notice the bathroom light go out. A shadowy figure moves through the room silently snatching a large wooden dildo from the end table. Sebastian retrieves the cuff and, still crouching, stuffs it into the backpack, zipping it up. He is about to sling it over his shoulder. The shadowy figure is right behind him, head covered with what could be a shawl. The wooden dildo goes up. Crack. It’s brought down right over Sebastian’s head as he collapses.

 

FADE OUT:


	8. Chapter 8

 

FADE IN:

 

Things are blurry as Sebastian comes to, trussed up with leather straps on the bed. The shadowy figure is standing in front of the bed holding the wooden dildo, wearing a scarf around her hair and tied around her neck. 

 

SEBASTIAN

(dazed)

Wha--

(regaining awareness; gasps)

Impossible!

 

_ The face of Jamala is revealed as she begins to laugh. She is holding leather cuffs and chains. _

 

JAMALA

(croaking)

Welcome to fly, said spider to web.

 

SEBASTIAN 

But -- you’re -- you’re in Paris. In recovery. We heard it on the news!

 

JAMALA

I stage early release to take care of business not yet finish. I take feed tube out myself. Is nothing. In Crimea, mafia put me in feed tube four time already.

 

SEBASTIAN

Oh man. Why do I have the feeling this is going to start getting a whole lot more KGB?

 

JAMALA

Relax chatty American boy. There no violence here. It not like Crimea war where I lose litre of blood and relearn walking for two year. I let you go speck and span -- in one hour.

 

SEBASTIAN

I don’t know how long you lost oxygen for, Jamala, but I’ve got to get these--

 

JAMALA 

Chains?

 

_ Jamala drops the leather cuffs. She walks over to a large laundry bag in one corner and picks it up. She turns it over and out falls metal chains clanking onto the floor. _

 

(laughing)

And these too maybe?

 

SEBASTIAN

Those are Laura’s chains! 

 

JAMALA

You miss nothing. I see why they put you in charge of ditz Belgian popstar who put me in hospital.

 

_ Jamala dramatically removes her scarf to show a bruised and swollen neck. _

(COT'D)

I cannot sing because of your Laura, so I take chains.

 

SEBASTIAN

Between me and you, Jams, I think you did us all a big favor. But there’s no time to adjust. Laura’s whole dance will be off!

 

JAMALA

(laughing)

Dance will be ruin. She will make fool of self in front of all Eurovision now. And it’s too late to save. 

 

_ There is a knock at the door. Jamala goes to open it. _

(COT'D)

Don’t go where.

 

_ Sebastian rolls his eyes and he struggles futilely with his straps. _

 

SABRINA (O.S)

Yes, Jamala, I got it.   


(pause)

What’s that?

 

_ Sabrina and Jamala walk over to the bed. Sabrina smiles deviously. _

 

SABRINA

Ah, Sebastian. Now this is a surprise.

FADE OUT:


	9. Chapter 9

FADE IN:

The Gdansk boys are finishing up their over of We Are The World, holding plastic candles. When the song finishes, there is wild applause. The Eurovision contestants, still in their semicircle, begin exiting the stage. Laura turns from the cameras furtively. She takes out her iPhone and glances at it but is disappointed. She finds Brecht in the backstage crowd.

 

LAURA  
Brecht, have you seen Sebastian?

 

BRECHT  
No, Laura, I am not really thinking about  
that right now. My chains have gone missing.

 

LAURA  
I sent Sebastian to get them but he’s not  
back yet. You don’t think something happened? He’s  
not answering his phone. That’s really unusual.

 

BRECHT  
Not the leather chains, Laura, but  
all the chains. The metal ones are gone  
too! They were right here and now they’re gone.

 

Laura’s eyes get wide. She purses her lips and shoves her phone back in her jacket pocket.

 

LAURA  
I gotta go.

 

Laura takes off running.

 

BRECHT  
Where are you going? You’re on stage  
in 20! Laura? Think of my career!

 

CUT TO:

 

Laura is running through the backstage area.

 

LAURA  
Sebastian! Sebastian, where are you?

 

She is frantic. She pulls out her phone and dials, leaving it on speaker while she looks around. There is a voicemail beep.

 

SEBASTIAN (V.O)

(filtered)

It’s Sebastian. Don’t leave a message.  
I don’t need you all up in my mailbox.  
I don’t do mail and I don’t do box.

 

Laura passes by a room and hears something. It sounds almost vaguely like muffled cries. She creeps over to a curtain, then pulls it fast. A shocked Robyn and Samra stare back at her, blouses askew, arms entangled.

 

ROBYN  
Damn, Double Dutch. You like to  
watch, dontcha?

 

LAURA  
I -- I’m looking for Sebastian.

 

ROBYN  
Girl, you don’t need no men to do  
it right and get it tight. Now  
come on over here and let me  
relieve some-a that pressure  
I keep hearing ‘bout.

 

LAURA  
No -- I sent him up to your suite.  
To get some leather cuffs. He’s not back yet and--

 

ROBYN  
Oh yeah, yeah. I gotcha. This a little bit of  
roleplay. Girl, you got some kink in ya.

 

Laura starts to object. Robyn reaches into a pocket and pulls something out.

 

(COT'D)  
Here, take my room card. Get a little surprise  
action goin’ on. But yo, I need that room  
back in two hours. I got that Bulgarian  
chick coming who likes to get freaky  
with the lipstick.

 

Laura takes the card and mouths a thanks. She hauls it out of the backstage area and into the hotel.

 

CUT TO:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL SUITE

 

Sebastian is still strung up on the bed. Sabrina and Jamala are over him. Sabrina is holding the wooden sex toy.

 

SEBASTIAN  
Ugh, Sabrina. I thought I smelled musk  
of desperation and career failure.  
But I thought it was the fact that  
Samra had been on these sheets.

 

SABRINA  
Oh Sebastian. So quick with the quips.  
I have half a mind to shove this  
right up your arse if I wasn’t so  
sure it was trained enough to take it.

 

SEBASTIAN  
How did you two black holes even meet anyhow?

SABRINA  
We met in the hospital when I was staking out  
Michal Szpak's bedside. And boy am I glad we  
did. I wouldn't miss this for Pippa swearing in  
a room full of eight year olds.  
  
SEBASTIAN  
You’re making a big mistake. Laura knows  
where I am. She has probably called security  
by now. And Sabrina, you can’t afford another  
stint in jail, or do you think the police won’t  
find out about the time you got caught hacking  
George Michael’s phone to ambush him at that  
park bathroom.

 

SABRINA

Oh yes, we’ve been naughty girls. But so have you.   
Breaking into Robyn’s suite? No, Laura won’t risk  
it. She’ll come directly and when she does we’ll  
be waiting.

 

Jamala and Sabrina begin to laugh.

 

CUT TO:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL CORRIDOR

 

Laura is in the Globen hotel corridor, nervous, when she approaches suite 20115. She prepares to open the door with the keycard when something catches her eye. It’s an exit at the end of corridor labeled EMERGENCY FIRE in Swedish. Her eyes trail over to it, pensively.

 

CUT TO:

INT. GLOBEN HOTEL SUITE

 

Inside the suite, Jamala and Sabrina are now next to the bed where Sebastian is.  


JAMALA  
Shut up. American talk too much. In Ukraine, you say  
seven words a day. More is dangerous to family.

 

SEBASTIAN

Jamala, don’t think we don’t know why  
you have the strength of a bodybuilder. Your  
little surgery--

 

Jamala and Sabrina take a long leather belt and begin tying it around Sebastian’s mouth, muffling his cries. Just then the door beeps and opens. Sabrina smiles deviously and she glances at Jamala. Sebastian can’t speak. Jamala and Sabrina grab menacing and dangerous sex toys and look toward the door. Suddenly, out of the shadows, Laura appears and she’s holding a fire extinguisher. She quickly approaches and sprays it violently at Jamala and Sabrina.

 

SABRINA  
What the bloody?

 

JAMALA  
Ah, no, scarf is almost Hermes!

 

Jamala and Sabrina are stunned. They back up, their hands trying to shield their eyes and take off foam. Laura runs up to them and thrusts the canister in Sabrina’s stomach, dropping it. She doubles over. Then Laura recreates her What’s the Pressure choreography. She spins, fluffs out her jacket and does a flourishing kick right in Jamala’s stomach. She disco points her fingers up to the ceiling and arches her back, throwing another kick at Jamala’s backside. She grabs a dildo and whacks Sabrina on the head, then rushes to help Sebastian, removing the belt from his face.

 

SEBASTIAN  
Laura, you came. But where did you get the strength?  
Have you been eating again?

 

LAURA

Sebastian, maybe now is not the time   
seeing how you’re tied up and I’m right next  
to a whip.

 

Sebastian smiles. Laura helps him out of his straps.

 

SEBASTIAN  

Point taken. I’m eternally grateful. Maybe I should   
have been working out with you instead of  
playing Candy Crush ten hours a day while you danced.

 

Sebastian glances at Jamala and Sabrina.

(COT'D)  
But what do we do with these two?

 

Laura grabs some straps and steps on Jamala’s back as she ties her up.

 

LAURA  
Don’t worry, Robyn will be back in two hours. For all I know they’ll  
end up in a foursome.

 

Laura and Sebastian finish tying them up and begin running out of the room. Sebastian double backs to scoop up the leather cuffs. He stops over Jamala and bends down touching her clothes.

 

SEBASTIAN  
You know while we’re here, maybe I’ll just  
check on something.

 

LAURA  
Sebastian! Let’s go!

 

SEBASTIAN  
Sorry, sorry.

 

He stands up and runs to Laura and then out of the room.

 

CUT TO:

INT. GLOBEN THEATER BACKSTAGE

Sebastian and Laura are sprinting down the backstage area to where Brecht is in a Chariots-of-Fire slow-mo moment. Sebastian stops, doubling over in exhaustion. Laura grabs him and drags him along to the entrance of the stage. Brecht is frantic. Things still appear slow-mo for Laura, out of breath with foam in her hair and on her sleeves.

 

BRECHT  
Laura, you’re on stage now! You’re up!

 

Laura shakes off the foam and nods. She grabs the cuffs from Sebastian and starts walking to the stage. A MINDER is there with a headset guiding her on. Sebastian stops her.

 

SEBASTIAN

(out of breath)

Laura, I just want you to

(pant)

Remember that

(pant)

The most important thing is to

(pant)

Go out there and

(pant)

Pretend you’re pregnant --

(pant)

\-- get sympathy votes

 

Before he can finish, Laura embraces Sebastian quickly, then pulls away and hurries toward the stage.

  


FADE IN:

INT. GLOBEN MAIN STAGE - NIGHT

The stage is dark, much like it was during rehearsal. Then the What’s the Pressure bass line fills the air. Before the melody starts, it stops again. The silence is filled by cheering and yelling by the fans. Things grow tense. The music starts up again, then the stage illuminates as Laura and her backup dancers finally emerge and deliver a show-stopping rendition of What’s the Pressure, with Laura not missing a beat. Her vocals and dancing are perfect.

 

FADE OUT:

 

FADE IN:

INT. GLOBEN GREEN ROOM

TITLE OVER: Two days later

 

The shaky frame is blurry before it comes into focus. Laura is standing in the green room, a massive room with 24 curved couches for each of the contestants and their teams in a stark, sleek design like something out of the Hunger Games.  Next to her is a EUROVISION REPORTER holding a microphone.

 

REPORTER  
I’m here with Laura Tesoro, who just scored a top  
five finish in this year’s Eurovision after mesmerizing  
performances in the semi-final and tonight’s finals.  
Laura, how are you feeling?

 

LAURA  
(laughing)  
Tired! But I’m so thrilled by this result. It’s  
been an exhausting few weeks, but I’m just so  
elated right now.

 

REPORTER  
I bet. It looks like you were dancing pretty   
hard out there. Was that a lot of work? Were  
you feeling the pressure, so to speak?

 

LAURA  
I was. But we trained hard and I was prepared   
and also I felt so confident. I was eager just to give it  
my all and really throw a fun party for all the fans after  
all we've been through this year. And then a top five finish?  
I’m jubilant.

 

REPORTER  
Now that’s it’s over, any idea what are you going to  
go do next?

 

LAURA  
(smiling)  
Yeah, I’m going to eat an entire plate of  
fried shrimp, I think.

 

REPORTER  
(laughs)  
I bet! Any regrets?

 

LAURA  
(shakes head)  
Nope.

 

REPORTER  
Thanks so much, Laura. Congratulations.

 

Laura and the Reporter shake hands. The frame pulls back to reveal the cameraman as Laura walks toward Sebastian, standing to the edge, who gives her a side hug. Only a few people are still lingering in the green room. The pair walk toward the exit.

 

SEBASTIAN  
Well, that’s the last of the media interviews, thank God.  
I’m so proud of you for using all the vocabulary words  
on your flashcards. You didn’t say excited once.

 

LAURA  
You know, maybe I only said excited a lot when I actually was.

 

Just then, Sabrina limps over, clutching her stomach with one hand and a recorder in the other.

 

SABRINA  
Sebastian? Laura? Can I have a -- Oof.

 

Sebastian and Laura keep walking. Sabrina hurries to catch up but doubles over in pain. Sebastian spins around.

 

SEBASTIAN  
Sabrina, yikes, what happened? You take a nasty fall  
or something?

 

SABRINA  
(smiling thinly)  
Something like that. Can I ask a couple of ques--

 

SEBASTIAN  
Jeez, girl. You need to be more careful around here.  
Make sure nothing happens to those last two ribs.  
But hey. Give our love to Jamala. Heard that feed  
tube’s back in -- tough break.

 

Sebastian and Laura exit. They pass by Australian popstar DAMI IM holding flowers. Laura stops to shake hands.

  
LAURA  
Congratulations on winning, Dami. I’m so happy  
for you.

 

DAMI  
Uh. Um, you too, Laura.

 

LAURA  
Let’s keep in touch, yeah?

 

DAMI

Yeah, um, I’m actually between phones  
right now...

 

Suddenly ROBYN walks by on the arm of Bulgarian singer POLI GENOVA, wearing black lipstick. Robyn has black smudge marks all over her neck. Dami shoots them a glance. Robyn checks her out top to bottom.

 

ROBYN  
(to Poli)  
Damn, might have to take me a trip to the Down Under  
Seoul train tonight.

 

Laura steps away from Dami and walks with Sebastian through the backstage, headed for the exit.

 

LAURA  
Why does it seem like no one except Robyn wants  
to keep in touch with me?

 

SEBASTIAN  
Well you did put Jamala and Michal Szpak in a coma.  
Word is the national juries were too scared for their  
contestants’ lives not give you top points. You’re  
basically the rib-breaking Eurovision mafia.

 

LAURA  
You’re not scared of me though?

 

SEBASTIAN  
(rolls eyes)  
Psh, you’re kidding right? Now c’mon. You can keep me  
company while I get something to eat.

 

LAURA

I could really go for some shrimp right now.

 

SEBASTIAN  
(inhales)  
Mm, I was thinking more like half a lemon for you.

 

Laura, half smiling, raises her elbow and jabs Sebastian in the ribs. He steps away quickly and grunts, grabbing his stomach. The rights-pending sound of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" starts to play.

 

SEBASTIAN (COT'D)  
(weakly)  
You know, on second thought, shrimp sounds great.

 

Sebastian rejoins Laura and together they reach the double doors leading to the exit. They push the door bars and step out into the dark Stockholm street.

 

THE END

 


End file.
